Yes, gossip and guesswork can be fun in small doses. But when the speculation and hype become an all consuming obsession, I tend to vomit. Sensitive gag reflex I’m afraid.
So then, rather than feed into the rumour mill, I’m going to suggest five practical improvements I’d like to see implemented in Microsoft’s next console.
Silence. Remember the noise the SNES used to make? No? Well, that’s because it was SILENT. I demand a console that doesn’t induce tinnitus.
My Sega Master System is 24 years old. It still works. My Xbox 360 died after 3 months. As did the next one. And the one after that. Sort it the fuck out.
An internet browser. You’re Microsoft, remember? You know, the monopolistic cunts with enough money to buy God. Even the runty, inbred Wii has one. It’s time to remove your head from your arse.
A pad that still works after I’ve smashed it against the wall.
An end to intrusive adverts. Stop pushing your failed motion-controlled bullshit on us. Never asked for it, never gonna buy it.
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