GTA V? No Thanks

Dear Rockstar,

The GTA series peaked with San Andreas. Every iteration since has been increasingly underwhelming. Sure, GTA V will outsell the bible, but we all know it’ll follow the same tedious formula: drive to point A and murder criminal B. So do us all a favour, focus your incredible talent on a completely new IP, m'kay?

I mean, think about it guys: GTA IV, Red Dead Redemption, L.A. Noire, Saints Row: The Third - you’re gonna have to perform a miracle worthy of Jesus himself to make GTA V relevant. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan. I love your work. The gratuitous level of incidental detail you managed to squeeze into GTA IV was genuinely amazing. I’ll never forget the time I sat - slack-jawed with awe - and watched Ricky Gervais performing stand-up on a television in a seedy bed-sit in Liberty City. A virtual TV, in my virtual apartment in a virtual city teaming with virtual life. Incredible.



Thing is, convincing, open-world games are now standard fare. Just Cause 2 and Arkham City spring immediately to mind. Two astonishingly beautiful games that take the open-world experience to some pretty spectacular places. Can GTA V really make the same kind of impact in this overcrowded, cut-throat-competitive market place? With all the best will in the world, I doubt it.

And it ain't just little old me that feels this way. There are celebrity dissenters too. Take Peter Serafinowicz, for example: "I'm not really a fan - although it's an incredible achievement in some ways - of GTA IV. I hate all those missions and the scripted bits. If I want to watch a really shit film there are plenty I can watch". Okay, so it's not the most compelling of arguments, but perhaps the novelty is beginning to wear thin. Come on Rockstar, give us something new.

After all, once you've battered a man to death with a giant purple dildo, where on earth can you go from there?

Yours sincerely,

Digital Gigolo.