Shitting Pretty

Who’d have guessed that our need to shit would have such a profound impact on magazine sales? Our animalistic urge to defecate is the only thing keeping our gaming mags afloat - pun intended. We must never underestimate the power of the brown pound when it comes to shifting print.

Don’t believe me?

Keiron Gillen - Kieron Gillen’s Workblog
So why buy mags? Mag’s offline abilities and toilet-based browsability are one thing, clearly.

Brian Phaethon – cc-blog
Is the gaming magazine necessary? Yes. But you might ask how could something with so many flaws be of any use in this day and age? My answer will remain the same now and forever. To keep us entertained on the toilet.

The RAM Raider – Interview
The death of mags has been predicted for years now, but it’s still not happened. Nor is it happening as quickly as most people think. The truth is that, my personal gripes about the old boys’ network aside, mags do attract the best writers. The combination of their heritage and the way in which they’re put together means you’re far more likely to find a higher standard of writing when you open a mag than browsing around GameSpot and its ilk. Look at the journos with the most respect, and you’ll see that they mostly have a heavy mag background in common (a few notable exceptions aside, such as EG’s Tom Bramwell).

Add in the fact that you can’t beat a good shit with the latest issue of your favourite mag resting on your lap, and it’s hard to argue against them being around for a fair old while yet.

Joshua Schwartzman - Smashpad
Let’s face it, not many of us read magazines anymore, and if you do it is probably only when you are taking a trip as a means to pass the time or letting your mind wander when nature calls.

Benjamin Turner - gamespy
Still, there's something about old gaming magazines -- the physical kind, not Daily Radar -- that I really enjoy. It has nothing to do with toilet reading, either. Okay, not much.

Kevin Gifford - Gameswatch
The worst part of it all: on all the blog posts about EGM's closing, the prevailing response was either "Good riddance" or "What am I going to read on the toilet now?!", which suggests to me that constipation must be epidemic among console owners.

An epidemic among console owners? You know, I think he may have a point. Check out what these random forumites have to say about the correlation between poo and print:

Under the bathroom sink right by the crapper. I have a huge collection of gaming mags right by the toilet paper. That's where I get my best reading done.

The only problem I can see with gaming magazines going extinct is that I know some people like to have something to read when they just so happen to be sitting on the toilet.

I hope games magazines don't disappear completely. You can't use a laptop when you’re having a shit.

Man, I miss being able to bring my EGM issues into the toilet.

Poop Report's poll reveals just how widespread this habit is. A staggering 72% of us need to read while we’re dropping the kids off at the swimming pool.

Conclusion
Our toilet habits are keeping moribund magazine sales from outright death. Next time you bust out a black banana, reach into the bowl, pull it out and give it a little kiss - caress it if the fancy takes you. Just make sure you thank it. Our lives would be a darker place without the fecal funding of our little brown buddies.