The Ten Worst Videogame Straplines

Poorly paid, overworked and under pressure. It's little wonder why some games journalists just don't put the required effort into a pithy strapline for their review. Below are ten of the worst.

‘It’s better than we thought’
Mini Racers
BORING! No time, effort or imagination has gone into this strapline. It reeks of apathy. 'Tis arse gravy of the worst kind, and it tells us absolutely NOTHING about the game.

‘As pleased as punch’
Knockout Kings 2000
A pun only works if it’s atrociously bad or totally original. This tired old cliché is neither. When games journos perpetuate the same old formulaic platitudes they should be forced to write for a tips and cheats magazines or, worse still, ONM.

‘Winback wins us over’
Winback
One diligent reader, himself a games journalist, kindly pointed out that a strapline must ‘never, ever, use a word that features in the game you are covering’. Well, if that is indeed the case, this strapline has committed the ultimate sin. Twice! An epic fail.

Magical? Pah! Schmagical, more like…
Magical Tetris Challenge
‘Schmagical’? The lazy-arsed twat who shat out this ridiculous strapline is a schmabsolute schcunt.

'Disney’s quacking good adventure'
Donald Duck
This game stars a duck. And ducks, as we all know, go ‘quack’. Cows go ‘moo’ and sheep go ‘baaaa’. We learnt all this at nursery-school. Another lesson in farmyard noises really isn’t necessary.

'This game’s wheelie hot!'
Wheels
Ah yes, here it is again, regular as clockwork. Good old Mr Reliable. Whenever there’s a game involving cars you can bet your fucking arse cheeks that there’ll be a ‘wheelie’ awful pun attached. It’s the law.

‘Look out’
Penny Racers (see picture above)
Surely a candidate for the most ambiguous strapline of all time. It could be applied to absolutely anything and means absolutely nothing. It has no bearing on the game whatsoever. Simply awful.

‘Stick it on your Christmas list!’
Turok 2: Seeds of Evil
The ultimate Christmas cliche.

'His nickname’s Air, he’s got no hair'
NBA Live 2000
Fuck me. This one really scrapes the barrel. Michael Jordan’s nickname is ‘Air’. He is also bald. The studious journo responsible for this atrocious strapline thought he’d share his comprehensive knowledge of basketball by rhyming these two facts. Genius.

'Gex is back!'
Gex 3: Deep Cover Gex
Any cunt who thinks a third installment of Gex is something to be celebrated should have his ballsack jabbed with toothpics. ‘Gex is back!’ is your cue to run screaming in front of an oncoming heavy goods vehicle.